Sunday 26 November 2006

A cry for the innocent.


I weep for my youngest daughter

who through no fault of her own

has now been labelled

not as mixed race, yet,

she will have that to deal with later

but as autistic
it's mild they say
like that's a comfort

we reel in horror

from the tag
now things make sense
her not speaking
staring into space
laughing at shadows

but we are nothing

if not people of God

so we turn our hand to prayer

and slowly, ever slowly

the fog lifts

over the days, months, years

it is not fully clear yet

but some days

we swear we can see the sun

shining from her eyes.


We worry so about the future

and what is yet to come

next year she starts in big school

but she is still so small

not her body, but her mind

sheltered as she has been

cuddled deep within our love

and now here comes

the big bad world

will she understand the bullies

when they call her names

and point, and laugh

she is so sensitive

sometimes when she wakes

the first thing she remembers

is a slight from the day before

"so and so pinched me" she cries

"or pushed me"

she just wants to be their friend

give them hugs and kisses

she does not understand

and we cannot explain.


With every year comes changes

all so far for the better

long may they continue

until one day we can see the dawn

like clouds floating away

to reveal a sky so blue
or dark curtains parting
to reveal our star in waiting

and maybe one day

without prompting

she will be able to say

"daddy, I love you"

until then I will continue to cry

for the innocent.

10 comments:

Zaynnah Magazine said...

Toks, she is so very beautiful. Don't let the labels that society so readily gives dim your faith - your daughter will be all that she is meant to be and more. Just wait and see.

Bfabevents said...

It gets better trust me, I've worked with children in my church who are in the same situation. Even have a nephew who moved from london to america, who is also labelled mixed and autistic. But thank God he is in school and doing quite well with speech therapy and can now form sentences and say mommy and daddy. He's only five and i love him.

Stay blessed.

sennyb said...

hmmm... sorry to read this; have really enjoyed reading ur blog; will u still be moving back home given the fact that there are little support services for autism in Nigeria?

Toksboy said...

SennyB- we are doing everything we can to get her to a stage where she is able to attend mainstream school. by next year she should be at a stage where she can cope for three to four months in a private school in naija and then we will bring her back for assessments. thanks

Naijadude said...

That is really touching, but the least you could do is just thank God for her life. He will guide you in every move of your life, shedding tears for the innocent wouldnt solve the issue either. Just commit and unfold everything unto His hands, He's in control.

Anonymous said...

beautifully written, fear not, all is in God's hands.

Pilgrimage to Self said...

I am so sorry to hear this.

I have a friend who has two members of her family that are autistic. Her brother, who is now twenty, is severly autistic and was born at a time when not much was known about it (in Nigeria anyway)and not much can be done for him. Specialist care is almost non-existent in Nigeria.

Her niece was also born autistic however, ther parents have been able to 'arrest' her autisim through diet and medication. It's a rigorous regime and there are hundreds of foods she cannot have as they increase the mercury levels in her system (which is linked to autisim).But they have got it to the point where you wouldn't ever know the child is/was autistic. It's been tough (financially and emotionally) but it's been worth it.

My friend is a walking wealth of information on the disorder so I will be more than happy to get some resources/links from her that you may find useful. If you would like me to do this, leave a comment on my blog letting me know.

Blessings....

Pilgrimage to Self said...

No problem - glad I can help. I will get details and be in touch ...

Jeremy said...

oh dear - you are starting to get the God brigade commenting on your blog. How exactly will the concept of 'god' help an semi-autistic child in Nigeria? The same way he helps every other of the trillion problems in the country: by doing bugger all.

Anonymous said...

lol @ jeremys comment. this is true, but one must be hopeful