So let me start by saying that even a rose needs fertiliser to grow right? Horse manure in the ground. Beautiful rose in the summer. (I assume that in between you need to sprinkle rose seeds or something like that otherwise it would be just like horse manure for ever right?) Life is like that. Right now we are in the smelling horse manure but no rose in sight phase of our move.
Firstly, the shippers. They have given us varying timescales for the move ranging from 3 to 8 weeks from London to Lagos. Eight weeks? Were you planning on driving? So now they have said it only takes three weeks by sea. So what happened to the other 5 weeks. Admin. apparently. Hmm. Due to company policy I have to use them so no way out. Then they say that we will need a 40 footer and a 20 footer for our load. Now I am the first to admit that I have a lot of shoes but damn. So I ring around friends that have moved back in the past year to check it out and it turns out that most of them struggled to fill a 40 footer. Some of them even had cars in theirs which we are not. So again back to the shippers who say that it is because the rates to ship to Nigeria are high. Wth??? However, if I wanted it shipped to NY it would be much cheaper and probably faster. Now my geography is a bit rusty but I am damn sure NY is on a different continent and whilst it would be quite nice to ship the stuff to NY I would find the commute a tad difficult every morning just to change clothes for work. Either these people need to get off whatever medication they are taking or I need to up my dosage but somehow we are not on the same flight plan.
We now move on to the issue of the clearing agent. Apparently if I have lived in Nigeria for more than 90 days over the past two years I cannot bring in any new stuff as this would mean I was going to become resident\ or am already resident? or was it President? (the agent in Lagos is French and we were on a GSM line so I could only make out half of what he was saying and of that half I could only make out a third due to this accent). Considering that I have spent at least two weeks a month in Naija over the last year then I have definitely blown the 90 day rule whatever it is. He wants to know if I will be bringing any new furniture or flat screens. Apparently I am not allowed leather? I guess this means I will have to leave the chaps behind? And the vest?
I should point out at this stage that details are not my strong point. I am a big picture kind of guy. I want to move to Naija. I give you a call. Some men show up and take my stuff, we shake hands and when I arrive in Naija in 4 weeks - presto bingo, my plasma screen is on the wall and Chelsea are on to their next Premiership cup. This is the way my mind works so all this detail is sucking the very life out of me. Aba kilode?
All is not well on the Naija end either. Landlord has not received his funds. Said funds were transferred by my company two weeks ago. Only one slight problem. The person who did the transfer henceforth referred to as Ode, didirin, olodo etc forgot to put ladlords name on the transfer. So a bank in London is sitting pretty and gaining interest on said funds whilst landlord is keeping the recharge boys in Lekki very happy with international calls to your truly. "Toks I've just been to the bank............"
Let me not even start on the "agents" as one of them is a "lawyer" and I would hate to start life in Naija in front of the beak answering to a defamation and libel charge. Is it actually possible to do that to estate agents?
Meanwhile Iyawo is out shopping for even more stuff that we won't be able to fit into the container. I hope you can understand my thinking maybe I should just plant myself in the manure instead?