Losing my Virginity

So here we are back in blighty. The land of the free and home of the brave. Or am I getting confused? So we get to the airport yesterday in Lagos and it is utter bedlam. The Virgin check in is the most crowded I have ever seen it. For the first time ever I see a crowd of people on stand by who are being told that they stand no chance of getting on the plane as it is chucka. Our unfortunate check in attendant almost had a melt down. He was literally losing his mind trying to check in seven people on three different booking references with a dozen pieces of luggage.

On to the plane and yep, as usual first Class is heaving (I was not there oh, just passing through before you start your wahala and yabbis). If Nigerians are suffering so much and there is so much poverty how come so many can still send their children first class? Even my ajebutter ones are over the moon to get into Premium. I wonder how long before Virgin dispense of the Premium and Economy seats on their Nigeria flights. Surely it would be more profitable for them?

Speaking of which please read through this response from Virgin with regards the query I sent them as to why they do not do special offers to Nigeria as often as to say New York or Vegas. Now this might appear ridiculous based on the last paragraph but humour me.

"I understand your reasons for wishing to question why we have not included Lagos, Nigeria in our recent Flying Club promotion.As you are probably aware, Virgin Atlantic dominates the Nigerian market with only one main competitor - British Airways. However in addition to Virgin Atlantic, many airlines travel to other destinations, i.e. the United States, where extremely competitive fares and mileage levels are offered. Therefore to remain in line with our competitors and to ensure we continue to offer an attractive loyalty programme, we also need to adapt our fares and mileage levels to remain on top of this market. This is why we tend to offer more frequent special offers to other destinations.I hope that I have managed to address your concerns. I would like to assure you that as one of our valued Gold members, your feedback is appreciated and has been taken on board."

Is it me or is that basically saying we do not have to try to win business in Nigeria as we will be getting the business anyway? I don't want to overreact and go charging in like a bull without some consultation but this reads to me to be very condescending and needs challenging. Are we being taken for granted or are we allowing ourselves to be taken for granted?

Either way I am not pleased at this response. It lacks tact. It feels like gloating. I am starting to feel that maybe I need to lose my Virginity but then what are my choices? BA? Mba not me. Virgin Nigeria. Same deal. Different colours. Oh well.

As for the flight itself, I assume these new planes have better engines or something but the plane did not exhibit that straining noise from the engines nor did it pin me back to my seat whilst taxiing. It just sort of meandered down the runway and then gently floated up in the air where it seemed to be just hanging for an inordinate amount of time. At any minute I expected us to come floating back to earth (crashing would have been too severe) and landing on some hapless okada man in Ajegunle or Yaba at which point the following surreal exchange would probably have taken place.

Flattened okada man's cronies (i.e every okada within a 50mile radius) - "Oga na you get road? Wetin you mean you no see Lucky for under ya wing? You call yourself pilot? I beg make we begin go police station or else (grabbing the pilot by the trousers).

Surreal yes but this is the way the mind of geniuses work.

Needless to say we floated back down to earth in London and I floated back into the arms of my broadband connection from which I will now begin to talk the talk. Hang on. It's going to be scary and bumpy and turbulent. Well of course it is. We are talking about Nigeria right?