Thursday 25 February 2010

Oh ye of little faith......




Oh you cynical blog readers. Coming here for your daily dose of cynicism and sarcasm in equal measures. Something I like to call cynisarcism as is the wont these days of using as few words as possible by joining two or even three words together. After all how else are we going to save the planet if we cannot even save on the amount of words we use?
Anyway, Yardy drops out of the sky into the arms of the Nigerian army and a specially fitted ambulance and is shipped off to Aso Rock to take his rightful place. In the specially built ICU. Meanwhile, you will recall that at exactly the same time as he was leaving Saudi a delegation of erstwhile Ministers were on their way to check on his progress, say hey to the King and do some shopping. All facilitated by the Nigerian Ambassador. So its obvious that nobody is actually being kept in the loop on this. Even Goodluck was in the dark apparently (well after all Yardy did land at 2.30am and I would expect JG to have been tucked up in bed with his Winnie the Pooh bear and the formidable Mrs JG).

Now this is the master stroke and for you aspiring politicos this is where you need to get your notebook out. Mrs Yard then issues a statement (let's not even fool ourselves that Mr Yard would have had enough breath to dictate that long thing) thanking all and sundry and making special mention especially of all those who had stabbed her/him in the back. For example - the Governors. Now let's imagine how many Governors slept peacefully in their girlfriends bed's overnight after that statement. Not many I would imagine. It was a declaration of war. Pure and simple. This Turai should be sent to the US to help Obama sort out those minor skirmishes in Iraq, Iran,Israel, Afghanistan etc. The woman is something else. I've heard of stand by your man but this is a whole new level. Stand for your man.
So we all wait with bated breath for the next chapter. Does JG cave in at the first opportunity and hand back the baton? Do the Governor's do a quick u -turn and say they were quoted out of context? Does Dora suddenly reveal that the memo was forged and somebody else had signed in her name? Does the AG fly back in from the Carnival in Brazil with a couple of beauties on his arm challenging his demotion? Oh the intrigue of it all!!

Meanwhile, back at the ICU our man lies quietly, oblivious to all the Africa Magic going on around him with a serene smile on his face and a slight dribble from his lips. Every once in a while he is heard to murmur "OBJ walahi". So now that he's back Turai's next move will be to gather all the Alfas together to create a powerful prayer to help bring her man back into a sitting position (at the FEC for example). If the Alfas fail then Chris Okotie, Benny Hinn and other such miracle workers are already setup on speed dial.

Oh ye of little faith. Believe o. This is Nigeria. Anything can happen.

7 comments:

ijebuman said...

I laugh in Yoruba,Igbo and Hausa...

Myne said...

Long live the first femal president of Nigeria!

Dapxin said...

hehehe.
Ol boy! your best post ever.
I am laughing so hard, water is dripping from my mouth.

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except its not a funny matter,
but our elders teach, when the matter is so bad, you have to treat it with a bit of laughter.
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I am reposting this for increased circulation via my own little corner...

Hope you dont mind.

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Whatever survives this, darn! the script will be more than grand to keep nollywood(I hate that name!) going for the next century.

absolutely gripping Abuja Turaic-ology...

Toksboy said...

I am being haunted by the Chinese who are spamming my comments box so it looks like comment moderation (which I hate) will have to be introduced for a while unless someone has suggestions on how to block them off)?

Dapxin said...

this might work
http://www.askdavetaylor.com/adding_captcha_to_bloggercom_blogs_to_minimize_comment_spam.html

Black Man Comes said...

Seems Dora the Explorer has been reading your blog. I wonder who will be the first to go should Y-Man return to his post.

Azazel said...

Lmao i totally loved this..
Lol @ long live the first female president