Friday 1 February 2008

I'm for the high jump


We lived on Adeniran Ogunsanya at the time. We lived directly across frpm the street that leads to Jalupon close which is where I used to go for my lessons every afternoon after school. As Jalupon of those days also had a huge grass island in the middle it also afforeded the opportunity for a quick kickabout before heading home.


On this streeet leading to Jalupon I would pass a house with a vicious dog (bear in mind that as a Yoruba man all dogs are vicious in my dictionary) which would snarl and bark and growl at everyone whether you were passing in front of the gate or on the other side of the street. As I knew that the gate of the house was locked I would sometimes have a little fun with the "nice doggie". I would saunter up to the gate (or as close to it as my nerves could stand ) and torment it by dragging my shoes on the street which would make it go insane. I could not see the dog but I could hear it clawing at the gate. I just imagined that it's eyes would be red and it would be foaming at the mouth. . Having exhasuted myself and alsomt wet myself with laughter at the dog's frustration I would then be on my way.


The day in question -"let's call it the day Toks would have qualified to do the high jump for any country in the world and also set a new world record"- I had played football to my heart's content as the lesson teacher had left early. There was no reason to rush home after all what my mum did not know would never hurt her (see I am considerate like that). I had washed the football down with a Gala and a nice slice of Walls Vanilla ice cream and was dragging my happy self home when I deicded that the perfect way to cap the day would be to visit my old friend.


So I crossed the road (see I actually had to make an effort) to reach the house and then started my foot dragging routine. This time, high on pork and whatever chemicals go into Walls Ice cream I even started to make growling noises to mimic the dog. I could hear it racing out from wherever it was kept and charging towards the gate. As it started barking people started to cross the street as it sounded so ferpcious. By this time I had my head in the air pretending to be a wolf and howling an echo to the dog's every bark. The dog ran upto the gate and slammed into it as it was running with such force. I could hear it clawing at the chain holding the gates together.


Shorlty thereafter, out of the corner of my left eye I saw the expression on people's faces start to change and then out of the corner of my right eye I saw the gates of the house seem to be opening a lot more than I remembered from previous occassions. As it opened fraction by fraction a switch somewhere in my brain clicked on and sent a message to my feet that "hey guys we need to get this idiot outof here and quick". And so it was like the cartoon as my feet took off whilst therest ofmy body was still registering what was happening. By now the gate was wide open enough for even my ice cream filled belly to register that the dog could get out. More importantly it would appear that the dog had come to the same conclusion.


As with all potential tragedies this was all happening in slow motion. Toks sees dog coming towards him. Tok's feet take off. Rest of Tok's body including his brain soon follow. See Toks fly down street. See Toks lose slippers. See Toks overtake cars. See Toks navigate Adeniran Ogunsanya - a busy road- even back then- without even stopping to look. See Toks place left foot on botton rung of bars on his gate. See Toks swing himself over top bar of gate narrowly avoiding injury which would have put end to the family line. See Toks land on other side of gate still with school bag over his shoulder but minus slippers or breath. See dog stand outside Toks gate growling for few minutes before returning to devour Toks slippers. See Toks armpits not only part of his outfit stained.


Five minutes later Tok's long suffering mother opens the door for her precious son:


Mums -Toks how was lesson today?


Toks: Just fine.


Mums- Why are you sweating so?


Toks: Oh no reason.


Mums- Where are your slippers?


Toks: A dog chased me and I lost them?


Mums- A dog chased you? What did you do?


Toks: (Looking innoicent as the day is long) Me? Do? Nothing oh, I was just walking home minding my own business. The dog must have been mental.


Mums - Pele oh my son. Come let me give you cake and fanta.


See how I protect that woman from worry and the harsh relaities of life?


11 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am usually a 'lurker' on your blog but this post has made me laugh so hard (I almost wet myself)I had to come out of the shadows to comment. I do enjoy your blog so!

black thought said...

That was a classic!!..good work Toks, keep the stories comming (from New Zealand)

Anonymous said...

I'm sure your Mums is grateful for ALL that you did for her sanity! Here's hoping that your kids remember to 'protect' Daddy in the same way! Great post Toks, had me cracking up :D

Talatu-Carmen said...

i echo anonymous here. I am laughing my head off.

Nonesuch said...

Simply hilarity!

9jamommy said...

LOLLLLL......Toks please don't kill me, I was struggling so hard not to laugh out loud (considering I'm supposed to be doing work & be off blogs for a while..lol)....a similar incident caused me to climb a tree sharply when I was about 10....lol. Funny enough this happened in suru-lere as well on adisa-bashua.

Toksboy said...

@ anon - thanks for lurking but please make yourself known.Glad you enjoyed it.

@black thought - all the way for NZ? how is life out there?

@))- the woman does not know all the incidents I protected her from oh. I do hope my kids are just as considerate

?talatu - long time no hear. good to have you back. great you enjoyed it.

@nonesuch- thanks

@9naijamommy - so glad to hear that you are still keeping up with us. We wish we could keep up with you as well? Coming back soon?

Anonymous said...

dying of laughter here-have to go into the toilet to laugh out loud before my oyinbo colleagues think i'm mad!!!!!!!!!!
what makes it soooo funyy is that i can totally picture this!!!!

9jamommy said...

Thanks Toks, hopefully soon :).

laspapi said...

Just saw your 'Overwhelmed' comment today, it had been lying in my comment moderation box, unmoderated along with many others, because yahoo didn't inform me.

That was the road I grew up on, (Gbajumo Crescent). Was trying to place the house that had the dog and I think I know which one did now.

Laughed hard at this, you howling like a wolf and all and then taking off down the rod when you saw the real McCoy. Glad you got home in one piece

Anonymous said...

Bros Toks, where you dey now? Missing your awesome fabus..