I weep for my youngest daughter
who through no fault of her own
has now been labelled
not as mixed race, yet,
she will have that to deal with later
but as autistic
it's mild they say
like that's a comfort
we reel in horror
from the tag
now things make sense
her not speaking
staring into space
laughing at shadows
but we are nothing
if not people of God
so we turn our hand to prayer
and slowly, ever slowly
the fog lifts
over the days, months, years
it is not fully clear yet
but some days
we swear we can see the sun
shining from her eyes.
We worry so about the future
and what is yet to come
next year she starts in big school
but she is still so small
not her body, but her mind
sheltered as she has been
cuddled deep within our love
and now here comes
the big bad world
will she understand the bullies
when they call her names
and point, and laugh
she is so sensitive
sometimes when she wakes
the first thing she remembers
is a slight from the day before
"so and so pinched me" she cries
"or pushed me"
she just wants to be their friend
give them hugs and kisses
she does not understand
and we cannot explain.
With every year comes changes
all so far for the better
long may they continue
until one day we can see the dawn
like clouds floating away
to reveal a sky so blue
or dark curtains parting
to reveal our star in waiting
and maybe one day
without prompting
she will be able to say
"daddy, I love you"
until then I will continue to cry
for the innocent.
10 comments:
Toks, she is so very beautiful. Don't let the labels that society so readily gives dim your faith - your daughter will be all that she is meant to be and more. Just wait and see.
It gets better trust me, I've worked with children in my church who are in the same situation. Even have a nephew who moved from london to america, who is also labelled mixed and autistic. But thank God he is in school and doing quite well with speech therapy and can now form sentences and say mommy and daddy. He's only five and i love him.
Stay blessed.
hmmm... sorry to read this; have really enjoyed reading ur blog; will u still be moving back home given the fact that there are little support services for autism in Nigeria?
SennyB- we are doing everything we can to get her to a stage where she is able to attend mainstream school. by next year she should be at a stage where she can cope for three to four months in a private school in naija and then we will bring her back for assessments. thanks
That is really touching, but the least you could do is just thank God for her life. He will guide you in every move of your life, shedding tears for the innocent wouldnt solve the issue either. Just commit and unfold everything unto His hands, He's in control.
beautifully written, fear not, all is in God's hands.
I am so sorry to hear this.
I have a friend who has two members of her family that are autistic. Her brother, who is now twenty, is severly autistic and was born at a time when not much was known about it (in Nigeria anyway)and not much can be done for him. Specialist care is almost non-existent in Nigeria.
Her niece was also born autistic however, ther parents have been able to 'arrest' her autisim through diet and medication. It's a rigorous regime and there are hundreds of foods she cannot have as they increase the mercury levels in her system (which is linked to autisim).But they have got it to the point where you wouldn't ever know the child is/was autistic. It's been tough (financially and emotionally) but it's been worth it.
My friend is a walking wealth of information on the disorder so I will be more than happy to get some resources/links from her that you may find useful. If you would like me to do this, leave a comment on my blog letting me know.
Blessings....
No problem - glad I can help. I will get details and be in touch ...
oh dear - you are starting to get the God brigade commenting on your blog. How exactly will the concept of 'god' help an semi-autistic child in Nigeria? The same way he helps every other of the trillion problems in the country: by doing bugger all.
lol @ jeremys comment. this is true, but one must be hopeful
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