Na craze dey worry am

I am sure that this is what a lot of people who know me are saying silently as they smile in my face. You see, rather irrationally (to some) I have decided to up sticks from a very nice, comfortable life in the leafy green burbs of Hertfordshire and transport all family members (some kicking, some screaming) back to the motherland. That's right. We're moving to Naija.

I was reading today that every day 1,500 people migrate to the UK and 1,000 people migrate out. I wonder what the numbers would be for Nigeria if there were no tricky visa issues to navigate (would the last one out please turn off the lights)?

Anyways, what has led to this madness? Well. Plain and simply I have always loved Nigeria. Despite thirty years of separation there is no time that I step off the plane at Murtala M. Int. Airport without a smile on my face anticipating that warm welcome from my fellow man (Oga wetin you bring for me now?). Most of the time I have brought nothing but it still brings a smile to my face (if not to theirs).

So you are thinking I can see what they say this one don craze. But please hear me out.

Firstly - Despite what most of the people in the queues at the various embassies might think life abroad is changing - and not for the better. The tolerance once held by many of the developed countries for Naijas\Africans has evaporated. They can't come out bluntly and say - yo nigga, stay on your side of the fence but they can do it in more politically correct ways ( you all know the drill). The "services" we used to provide traditionally are now being taken over by Eastern Europeans.

Secondly - things just ain't the way they used to be. London is no longer the cozy, sedate place that you can chill out in (just ask Alams). It is more frenetic, more fractured, more frictional. The innocence is gone. Diana is dead. The bombers have come again ( I say again only because I was here in the 80's when the IRA set off their bombs in London killing innocent people. Does anyone recall the US\ UK bombing Ireland? But then they are white folks after all and Christian to boot). The cops are now real. Getting your photograph taken with some overweight 19 year old bobby in the good old days does not compare with trying to do the same today with some machine gun toting, sunglass wearing "security agent". Is that a digital camera in your hand sir or an explosive device. With luck they will be asking this before they shoot you.

Thirdly - there's the kids. Four of them to be exact. What are they getting out of being in England? Sex education in nursery school alongside their school meals. A chap came to fix my satellite box last week. (p.s- he is leaving the UK in February for good. He's had enough. He's English. Moving to Australia. For a better life.) Anyway it turns out he picked his 6 year old up from school recently and asked him what he learnt today - as you do. The boy answers that he learnt about condoms and how to use them. The chap nearly drives off the road. What does a 6 year old need to know about condoms he asks me? I have no reply but silently thank God that we will be out of here before my youngest two (ages 4 and 3) can learn. The elder ones go to school and come back. What did you learn today? Oh nothing they reply. Seems like a good use of 6 hours then!

Fourthly - all the kids need a sense of identity. Being mixed race they should get a perspective of both sides. They have enjoyed the oyinbo side and now it is time for them to see the original naija side. They need to mix with their cousins, nieces, nephews, aunties etc. They need to understand where they have ultimately come from. This is not as extreme as it sounds as I have always made sure they visit as often as possible. But as my wife keeps reminding me - there is visiting and then there is ..........

Finally - I strongly believe that Nigeria is on the cusp of a revolution. All you have to do is look around you and you will see it. Let me put it to you this way. A new born baby lacks mobility when it first enters the world, then it learns to crawl, walk and then run. Along the way there is a lot of falling over, bumping into things and general mishaps. This is the state the country is in at the moment. It has just got off its knees from crawling and is preparing to start walking. It is holding on to furniture for support but still it occasionally falls. But trust me one day soon it will find its balance and take its first unsupported steps. and in the not to distant future it will start to run.

I want to be there to witness it. I want my kids to be there to witness it.

So please - craze no dey worry me oh!