The Enemy within...

My mum's driver was turning into the house a few days ago. Apparently he has his earpiece in for his phone and might have been on a call. As he was turning in a chap on a motorbike started banging on the side of the car asking "did you not see me?". The driver said "who are you?" and drove into the compound after the mallam had opened the gate assuming that this was another one of those 30 second Lagos dramas.

The mallam closed the gate and was in the process of locking it when there was a loud banging on the gate. He opened to to say "aha what is going on?" only to be met by a slap to the face and several blows followed. In defence he swung still with the padlock for the gate in his hand and hit the slapper on the head. The padlock made contact and drew blood. At no point as far as I am aware were they aware that the slapper was an Army officer.

Roll film forward ten to fifteen minutes and our compound is full of army men physically assaulting the mallam. Numerous attempts by family members to save him are rebuffed. The driver has to make a run for it in order to avoid the same treatment. The mallam is seriously assaulted and dragged off in an army vehicle. All hell breaks loose as my family desperately spend the rest of the day trying to find him. He is later located at a Barracks close to Yaba where he is found with his hands tied and and hanging from the ceiling.

The soldiers who have been recruited to escort my sister to the barracks (no policeman is prepared to take the risk) are given a dressing down and told never to show their faces there again with regards this matter. My family members are told it is too late to discuss the matter as the person in charge has gone for the evening and they are told to return in the morning.

This morning my sister decides to go to the family house early to make sure that our poor mother (father has travelled , thank God) has not faced any further harassment. There had been murmurings from the soldiers of coming back to burn the house down and to find the driver by all means. She is met by a group of Military Police who say they have come to arrest the mallam's employer. She is asked to step into a black maria type vehicle which she refuses as she is not a criminal and declares that she will travel in her own car to the barracks.

At the barracks she is asked to write a statement after which she is asked to pay N60k for the offense. She does not have that kind of money on her in cash and she is asked to bring it tomorrow. On the way out she is accosted by one of the officers "dealing" with the case and told that they would prefer a top of the range mobile phone rather than the money. She says she would rather pay the cash rather than try and choose a "top of the range" phone from the numerous models in the market.

The mallam is released and is sent home with my sister after she signs an undertaking.She is left in no doubt as to what could happen if she does not show up tomorrow morning with the money sharpish. I ask her if the mallam is seriously injured from the assault. She says that one of the Army men told her that we would not find any bruises on his body because they have been trained in a way that they can torture and cause internal damage without leaving any obvious signs. The mallam is on his way to hospital for a check up.

Ths has caused no end of suffering and anguish and distress to my mother. She is over 70 years old and would not hurt a fly. The past three days have taken months if not years off her life. All for a simple driving incident in which no one was hurt or property damaged.

This is not fiction. This is real. This is Lagos, Nigeria. October 15th 2009. 49 years after our independence. 49 years since we have been "free". Good people. Great nation. Indeed.

And justice for all?

Is it really possible to get any sense of justice from these two? Who is the Attorney General there to protect? Who is the EFCC Chairman there to protect? Is there a citizen of Nigeria who really believes they are on his\her side despite their public posturings? Who believes that any of the sacked managers of the failed banks or their accomplices will ever see the inside of a cell again? Who believes that all the debtors were actually listed? Or that Ibori will be convicted of anything in our lifetime despite all the supporting evidence? Yes. Me neither. Which is a shame. Especially under a President who spouts rule of law as a mantra.

The things I take for granted......but shouldn't

Waking up in the morning
Having food on the table
A roof over my head
A family that loves me
Parents that love me
Parents that are still alive and well
Healthy kids
My health
Access to money
A supportive loving wife
A forgiving God
My many many blessings
My life
My siblings love
My family's understanding
My accomplishments
My friends
The list goes on.

Shame these things are only brought to the forefront of our thoughts only when we think about losing them as I thought today after a health scare. All is well Insha Allah but I will be more careful with all the above in future. So should you.

Charles.......

So I was standing in the car park outside an office complex in Accra a couple of days ago when I heard someone call my name. I turned to see a familiar face walking towards me. The digital photo library inside my head started shuffling through desperately looking for a match to the face even as the distance between us narrowed and I tried to retain a neutral but still welcoming look on my face.

"Long time no see" he said which helped as I immediately jettisoned all the faces from the last five years off the index and dug further back in time. It took two or three minutes for the penny to drop and I finally placed Charles as a chap I had worked with briefly 20 years ago. 20 years. Now that is what you call long time!!

So Charles. Once I had placed him, all the memories came flooding back. We had worked together for about three months but in those three I had got to know him well. Whist Ghanaians are generally humble compared to Nigerians (but then who isn't?) Charles had set for me new benchmarks in humility. He was one of those guys that really did tiptoe lightly through the tulips. I never saw him stressed, swear, or even shout. You hear people say "he wouldn't hurt a fly" and this was definitely apt for Charles.

We exchanged some quick pleasantries and contact details as he was dashing off and promised to catch up next time I was in Accra. In my taxi minutes later I got a call from a strange number. I answered it and it was Charles. "Toks, so sorry I was wondering if you needed a ride?. I know you are visiting Accra and it was rude of me to have left you there in the car park." I told him I was alright and that I already had a hire car.

The point of this is that despite what we see on Sky, CNN,Fox etc there are still some decent people in the world. People for whom doing good and being good is a big part of their DNA. For some strange reason Charles' actions immediately made me want to perform a random act of kindness for someone else (so I took myself out for an extensive meal. Aha am I not someone?). Between him and Gani it has surely been a great week for good people. It is nice to know they exist. It reminds me of the closing words from Desiderata. It is still a beautiful world. Strive to be happy.

It is important to remember that in these days of banking crises and other nonsense.

Good person. Great Loss.

Gani Fawenhimi was on my mind sometime last year. I just could not shake his image out of my mind. I kept wondering how is it that one can dedicate their life to a cause where there does not seem much return. I mean can you imagine giving your heart and soul to trying to save Nigeria? I was puzzled. Did the man have a complex? Was he insane? How can you outmanoeuvre the so called “Maradonas” that dominate our every breath (I prefer to call them Muppets but to each his own). Could he really make any sort of dent, any impact at all on the rock of Aso?

To be honest, he did and still does make me feel worthless as I sit on the world wide wonder pontificating about this and that and that and this. Not for me the cold cells of kirikiri. No, coward that I am I prefer to “fight the power” from the calm, cool confines of Lekki.

I recall my mother cursing NEPA\PHCN not long ago and I wondered if this was our destiny. Despite all the vigour of the fight the bastards still had\have the upper hand. A whole generation passes away and nothing changes. I write this only through the benefit of a diesel burning, environment polluting, generator. What hope is there for my generation? We who made such loud revolutionary noises in university but who have greedily succumbed to the status quo – Chief, Senator, Minister, MD. We who have mortgaged our principles for the latest beemer, merc, hummer. It is these thoughts that always takes me back to thinking about Mr Fawenhimi.

If a man gives most of his adult life to fighting for the right of the common man up until his very last breath surely this is a life worth celebrating. And emulating. Maybe one day I too will find a cause that gives this life meaning. Till then. Mr Fawenhimi. I never met you but I salute you sir. Good Person. Great Loss. May your soul rest in peace. The bastards may have won the battle but they will not win the war.

Welcome to civilisation?

Since arriving in the Uk on Monday night here are some of the headlines:

1. Man dies of gunshot wounds sustained on bus

2. Names of three people who tortured 17month old to death released

3. Biggest armed robbery jewelry heist in Uk history on New Bond St

4. Man kicked to death just yards from his home

5. Lady who disappeared some months ago could have been "involved" with as many as forty men

6.Drunk lady convicted for killing her equally drunk husband by driving over him

7. Baby's body found in car boot

8. A whole 40 tonne ship (trust me that's big) has disappeared feared captured by pirates

These are just some of the ones I can recall off the top of my head. Oh how I long to be back in the relative safety and (in)sanity of Lagos where one might occasionally be accosted by a tout with those immortal words "bros how far? something for the boys?".

Can't happen here???

Always being right is a burden. It is one I carry wearily on my shoulders. O how Iyawo has suffered with her numerous attempts over the years to prove me wrong. An exercise in futility if ever there was one. The facts are the facts. I am always right. It is one of my traits. Like humility. Another one of my traits.

So to what does all this relate? Oh how I rolled with glee when reading Next newspaper a couple of weeks ago and the article about housing only designated for expatriates. See I have a bee in my bonnet at the moment. Actually I have had it for about a year. I have this feeling that Nigeria is steadily being colonised. By the Chinese, the Indians, the Lebanese. My friends scoff at my paranoia. They smirk at my naivety.

I tell them that I read a book called “Africa my black arse” in which the author described his travels through Africa. In Liberia he came across a Chinese hotel built exclusively for the use of the Chinese. No Liberians, or other Africans, were allowed entry. The irony being that the doormen and most of the other staff were Liberians!!

Every time I tell this story my friends say “aha Toks but that is Liberia. They are not as advanced as Nigeria. That kind of thing can never happen here in Nigeria”. When I pointed out Jeremy’s blog last year wherein he wrote about Abuja apartments only for rent to expatriates it became aha Toks it can neva happen in Lagos. Eko o ni baje (Lagos will not spoil). And now it has. What next? Aha Toks it can never happen in Lekki, Ikoyi, Yaba, Suru – Lere?” And then finally what? “Aha Toks it can neva happen on my street?” I beg please my friends it is happening here and now.

Look around you – generators you buy from Indians, food from Lebanese, groceries from South Africans ( we recently bought an iron from Shoprite that came with a South Africa plug. A “nice” request to “Customer Services” to change it was met with some difficulty until I switched into loud, noisy and aggressive Toks mode (not a pleasant sight to behold I can tell you), everything else the Chinese have sewn up (pardon the pun).

So what next for our “Good people, Great nation”? Well the way things are going maybe we will end up having to apply to a foreign embassy to get a visa to get into Nigeria. Far fetched and fantastical you might say? Well, ask the Liberians.